Co-parenting after a divorce isn’t always easy, but it is possible to create a healthy, supportive environment for your child.
Whether things ended on good terms or you’re still figuring out how to navigate this new reality, working together as parents can make all the difference.
Co-parenting isn’t about being best friends—it’s about making sure your child feels loved, safe, and secure. If you’re looking for co-parenting tips that actually help, you’re in the right place.
Let’s talk about what works (and what doesn’t) so you can build a positive co-parenting relationship that benefits everyone.
What is the 7-7-7 Rule for Parenting?
The 7-7-7 rule is a simple but powerful way to stay connected with your child in a meaningful way, no matter how busy life gets. The idea is to aim for:
- 7 minutes of connection per day – This could be a bedtime chat, a quick check-in after school, or a hug before they head out for the day.
- 7 hours of one-on-one time per week – This might look like shared meals, game nights, or just hanging out together without distractions.
- 7 days of special bonding per year – A vacation, a fun adventure, or even just a weekend away doing something your child loves.
No matter what your custody arrangement looks like, being intentional about your time together is what really counts.
What Are the Don’ts of Co-Parenting?
Even the best intentions can get lost in frustration, resentment, or miscommunication. Here are some common co-parenting pitfalls to avoid:
Don’t Use Your Child as a Messenger
Your child isn’t a middleman. If you need to talk to your co-parent, do it directly instead of putting your child in the awkward position of relaying messages.
Don’t Speak Negatively About Your Co-Parent
Even if you’re frustrated, vent to a friend—not your child. Kids should feel free to love both parents without guilt or pressure.
Don’t Create Inconsistent Rules
If one home has strict rules and the other is more relaxed, it can lead to confusion and pushback from your child. Try to align on the big things—like bedtime, schoolwork, and discipline—so there’s consistency.
Don’t Try to “Outdo” the Other Parent
Love isn’t a competition. Buying extravagant gifts or being the “fun parent” just to win favor can create an unhealthy dynamic. Focus on providing stability and emotional security instead.
Don’t Ignore Boundaries
Respecting each other’s time, space, and parenting styles (even when they’re different from yours) is key to a peaceful co-parenting relationship.
By steering clear of these common mistakes, you’ll create a more stable, loving environment for your child.
What Are the 3 Types of Co-Parenting?
Not all co-parenting relationships look the same. Depending on how well you and your ex communicate, your co-parenting style might fall into one of these categories:
- Cooperative Co-Parenting
- You communicate openly and make joint decisions easily.
- Both parents attend school events, activities, and celebrations together.
- Your child transitions smoothly between homes with minimal stress.
- Parallel Co-Parenting
- You each parent separately with little direct communication.
- You follow similar parenting rules, but each household runs independently.
- Interactions are kept brief and business-like, focusing only on logistics.
- Conflicted Co-Parenting
- Communication is tense, argumentative, or nonexistent.
- Parents struggle to make joint decisions and frequently disagree.
- Conflict affects the child, leading to stress and emotional strain.
While cooperative co-parenting is ideal, parallel co-parenting can also work well when emotions are still healing. The key is to minimize conflict and keep the focus on what’s best for your child.
How Do You Co-Parent Successfully?
Now that we’ve covered the don’ts, let’s talk about what actually works when it comes to co-parenting.
Here are some co-parenting tips to help make the process smoother and more effective.
- Keep Communication Business-Like
Think of co-parenting conversations like a work email: clear, direct, and focused on the facts. Stick to logistics (drop-off times, school events, medical appointments) and leave personal feelings out of it.
- Establish a Reliable Schedule
Kids thrive on routine. Whether it’s a week-on, week-off arrangement or alternating weekends, consistency helps them feel secure. Stick to the plan as much as possible.
- Agree on Core Rules
You don’t have to have identical households, but aligning on important rules—like bedtime, screen time, and discipline—will help create a sense of stability for your child.
- Be Flexible When Needed
Life happens. Schedules change, unexpected events come up. Being understanding and adaptable goes a long way in reducing tension.
- Keep Your Child’s Needs First
Before making a decision, ask yourself: Is this about what’s best for my child, or is it about my feelings toward my ex? If it’s the latter, take a step back and refocus.
- Encourage Your Child’s Relationship with Both Parents
Your child shouldn’t feel guilty for loving both parents. Support their relationship with your co-parent, and avoid making them feel like they have to choose sides.
- Find a System That Works for You
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some parents communicate through co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to keep things organized. Find a method that reduces stress and keeps things smooth.
- Celebrate Milestones Together (When Possible)
If emotions allow, try to be present together for important moments like birthdays, graduations, or school events. It reassures your child that they don’t have to split their joy between two households.
- Give It Time—Co-Parenting is a Journey
You won’t have it all figured out immediately, and that’s okay. Some days will be harder than others, but the goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress.
Final Thoughts: Co-Parenting is About Your Child—Not Your Past Relationship
At the end of the day, co-parenting isn’t about you or your ex—it’s about your child.
They deserve to feel loved, supported, and free from conflict. By keeping communication respectful, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on what’s best for them, you’ll create a stable, positive environment that allows them to thrive.
Take it one step at a time, stay flexible, and remember—no matter what happened between you and your ex, you’ll always be co-parents.
And that’s what truly matters.